How do we forge real community at work?
I am a consultant and two of the prominent aspects of my job are 1) I work long hours and, 2) I travel. The crazy thing is, those two aspects of my job (aspects I have openly mocked and criticized) have gradually become more justifiable. I mean, everyone I work with does it and I have to pay the mortgage, right?
It amazes me how I begin to define my world by the people around me. What's right, what's true, what people are like, what God is like. It's not necessarily something I do intentionally, it just kinda happens. The people around us have an unbelievably powerful effect on shaping who we are, what we believe, and what we do.
But I see truly frightening examples of men drinking the corporate Kool-Aid and the damage that inflicts on their lives and families. And I see vulnerability in myself that I may soon follow directly in their footsteps. Take Dennis (names masked to protect the guilty). He recently missed his daughter's birthday because he was out of town. He was going to let her open her presents early the next morning after he got into town, but he had to be at a meeting early.
Or take Peter. Peter's wife is pregnant with their first child and she called him while he was traveling so he could listen to the heartbeat for the first time on his cell phone.
Now take me. I am sitting in a hotel room halfway across the country from my wife seeking to provide for her financially but reducing our daily interaction to a 30 minute phone call. When I started this job, I had all kinds of ideals that I have gradually violated, one after the other, until I feel like some aspects of my character are virtually unrecognizable. How did I get here? It was a slow process guided by the people with whom I chose to surround myself.
Last week, The Dude talked about being "the light of the world" at work, being a "city on a hill" shining our individual lights collectively into the darkness. I have friends I hang with and talk with weekly about this stuff but I think there is something different about having community with other Christians at work. And I suck immensely at intentionally seeking that community at work. Somewhere along the line I bought into the lie that I have to do the work of God at Deloitte myself, that it's up to me, that I am alone in my struggles here.
I think there are two primary reasons I personally haven't sought real, Christ-centered community at work:
1) The times I've tried, I've experienced a fellowship that is too cheeseball "Christian." It's reading a Bible passage with a bunch of people I don't know and trying to force community. Or it's sharing prayer requests over email with people I have never and probably will never meet. Maybe I'm too cynical, but those just feel so contrived...
2) When I have actually thought about my need for real, intimate community at work, I get discouraged by the thought that I don't know if there are even any other "real" Christians out there.
So how can we find this community? How can we identify other Christians at work? How can we engage in relationships based on prayer and encouragement? Really, how do we do these things? How can I do them? I can dream of a day when another dude and I will meet before work each week to pray for each other, to pray for other people in the office, to discuss our struggles, to challenge each other to invest more in our families than in our work, etc. but I feel totally lost in terms of taking that first step...please, ideas would be much appreciated.
It amazes me how I begin to define my world by the people around me. What's right, what's true, what people are like, what God is like. It's not necessarily something I do intentionally, it just kinda happens. The people around us have an unbelievably powerful effect on shaping who we are, what we believe, and what we do.
But I see truly frightening examples of men drinking the corporate Kool-Aid and the damage that inflicts on their lives and families. And I see vulnerability in myself that I may soon follow directly in their footsteps. Take Dennis (names masked to protect the guilty). He recently missed his daughter's birthday because he was out of town. He was going to let her open her presents early the next morning after he got into town, but he had to be at a meeting early.
Or take Peter. Peter's wife is pregnant with their first child and she called him while he was traveling so he could listen to the heartbeat for the first time on his cell phone.
Now take me. I am sitting in a hotel room halfway across the country from my wife seeking to provide for her financially but reducing our daily interaction to a 30 minute phone call. When I started this job, I had all kinds of ideals that I have gradually violated, one after the other, until I feel like some aspects of my character are virtually unrecognizable. How did I get here? It was a slow process guided by the people with whom I chose to surround myself.
Last week, The Dude talked about being "the light of the world" at work, being a "city on a hill" shining our individual lights collectively into the darkness. I have friends I hang with and talk with weekly about this stuff but I think there is something different about having community with other Christians at work. And I suck immensely at intentionally seeking that community at work. Somewhere along the line I bought into the lie that I have to do the work of God at Deloitte myself, that it's up to me, that I am alone in my struggles here.
I think there are two primary reasons I personally haven't sought real, Christ-centered community at work:
1) The times I've tried, I've experienced a fellowship that is too cheeseball "Christian." It's reading a Bible passage with a bunch of people I don't know and trying to force community. Or it's sharing prayer requests over email with people I have never and probably will never meet. Maybe I'm too cynical, but those just feel so contrived...
2) When I have actually thought about my need for real, intimate community at work, I get discouraged by the thought that I don't know if there are even any other "real" Christians out there.
So how can we find this community? How can we identify other Christians at work? How can we engage in relationships based on prayer and encouragement? Really, how do we do these things? How can I do them? I can dream of a day when another dude and I will meet before work each week to pray for each other, to pray for other people in the office, to discuss our struggles, to challenge each other to invest more in our families than in our work, etc. but I feel totally lost in terms of taking that first step...please, ideas would be much appreciated.
posted by Matthew at 11:44 PM
10 Comments:
I suppose I have a unique situation. I currently work at a small law firm in downtown Dallas. At my interview, the partner asked me "What is the most important thing in your life?" I responded that it was my faith. He said he agreed and we had a good discussion after that. Every week we have a firm Bible study with most of the attorneys attending. I suppose I do have a real community at work.
Here is the flip side though. With one exception, I don't confide in any of the guys up here. I don't consider them friends or confidants or community, if you will.
I think the reasons for this are clear, though. I, too, came into this job with a number of convictions which have all been infringed upon since I got here. Every trap I was dead set on avoiding, I have fallen in to. Part of this is because of the nature of lawyering, i.e. the billable hour, the contentious nature, etc. But, I think a majority of these problems have arisen because the things I am trying to avoid are accepted practice for even this Christianity based firm. I have disagreed with my boss's course of action multiple times but have not been able to change his mind. I am then stuck carrying out the plan.
Due to these conflicts cropping up at work, I have been searching for a new job, possibly even a new career. How do you confide about that issue with those you work with? Even the one guy I truly trust and count as a friend...I could never put him in that akward position. How do you take a stand on moral/ethical grounds when your boss claims to adhere to the same morals, the same ethic? I know that I should be using this opportunity to be iron sharpening iron, but all my efforts to do that have failed.
I think Christian community at work starts at the top. A manager who allows for community to truly develop is a great blessing. Community also requires time and a genuine connection. It might not be possible for someone who is constantly travelling or working on projects with an ever-changing group of people. These are among the reasons I would love to find a good small business to join and stay at for the duration.
Tim Darley
Interesting question, Matt. Clearly, as a pastor I have a different deal, but I spent time in the marketplace in everything from Fortune 10 companies to 10 employees companies. During THOSE times, I wrestled with very similar questions.
The word we most frequently translate Fellowship in the New Testament is koinonia, which means to participate with others in something. So Christian fellowship is not a bunch of church goers having a Super Bowl Party, nor is it having shared intellectual assent or stimulating conversations about theology. Rather, I believe those who co-labor for the Kingdom sweating and bleeding, laughing and crying shoulder to shoulder experience true community. So, my take is not to merely focus on bringing a spiritual conversation to workplace, but identify those who are true yolkfellows and WORK together for the glory of God in all things so that you would be salt and light.
If there is no one that is a Christ-follower in your workplace, well, then it is not a place of fellowship. Instead you are blazing a trail of faith and need to be sensitive to the needs of your coworkers so that when the opportunity arises,you will be ready to testify to the hope that is within you.
Matt -
Bro, I can tell how down you are right now by the tone of your intro. As a fellow road warrior, I do understand the position you are in being away from home. I have always said that the day I look forward to getting on that plane Monday morning would be the day I stop consulting. That being said, you do know the decision I recently made to step out of Deloitte and do my own thing - which so far is proving to be the best decision I have made in a while. Less travel, more time with the wife and my boys and I still get to consult, which I know is the worldly career I was put on earth to pursue. To your co-workers who are setting a less than stellar example of what is important (the birthdays and heartbeat), all I can say is shame on them for not having hedges built around themselves, their lives and what is important to them. Not to polish my tarnished halo here, but I am happy to say I've never missed a birthday or sonogram appointment in the 10 years I've been in consulting.
All this being said - how do we find true community at work? Tim hit on it. It takes and example from the top of the org chart - a manager or supervisor who is willing to provide the forum and encouragement for doing so. It is a shame we were never able to work together while I was there...perhaps me leaving will enable you and I to have this, working for separate companies or together should the Lord bring us together again in the future. It also takes a few other things:
1. Letting down our guard. We have to make ourselves open and vulerable - set the example for our co-workers by wearing our faith on our sleeves. Live in such a fashion that everyone knows what you stand for
2. Care. We have to care about those we work with...dig into their lives and families, find out what makes them tick and develop a genuine interest in them.
3. Invest. Ourselves. Our time. Our efforts. In the absence of community, we need to take it upon ourselves to create one. Start that Bible study, realizing that we might have to meet folks where they are - and that a surface level study is all we can have initially because that is where our co-workers are.
4. Be the example. Serve others and our communities. Live in such a fashion that others see Christ in us and begin to engage us in what makes us "different."
Ted -- I love your thoughts, especially this line: "my take is not to merely focus on bringing a spiritual conversation to workplace, but identify those who are true yolkfellows and WORK together for the glory of God in all things so that you would be salt and light." My follow-up questions would be:
1) Is it right to do any work with these yolkfellows? Do we have a responsibility, as we work together, to question the very nature of our work?
2) What are ways to be salt and light, along with these yolkfellows, besides spiritual conversation?
Tim and Greg -- I think you guys have hit on a lot of great stuff, but I have one questions for you, too -- does community at work really have to start at the top? What about about Daniel? He and his boys -- Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego -- provide what I think is the best Biblical example of community and obedience in the workplace, but a lot of their legacy was saying "No" to their superiors.
"No, we will not eat that food."
"No, we will not worship the king."
"No, we will not soften the truth because you might kill me."
I often wonder what it is I need to say No to at work...and how that would look so much different if I was doing it with one or two more other guys than just by myself. I think my pride encourages me to act alone so I will stand out but, on the flip side, that makes it that much easier for people to dismiss my convictions...I'm just some crazy guy. Maybe more accurately, the thought of acting alone makes me more likely to not act at all. Just some ramblings about searching for true, Godly community as an underling.
* Note -- Daniel and his boys worked for the government, not a for-profit company. I think that is an important consideration in this discussion.
Another concern that I have found is those that we may consider a Christian community with at work, may not necesarrily consider that appropriate. In reading some of the blogs matt posted previously, particularly the one on Anderson Cooper's blog, it is very apparent that there is a large group of Christians who not only are timid about forming this relationship at work, but thing its wrong.
Matt and I discussed some of the shocking comments by self proclaimed Christians, stating that Christ does not belong in the workplace, as if to imply we should live two lives. This is the very situation our efforts here are trying to thwart. It should be considered, that when attempting to form this community at the workplace, the mere status of "Christian" may not suffice in all situations. We may need to discuss how to engage those who will fight the integration of Christian community to the workplace.
Thoughts?
We face an interesting animal here in the Bible Belt. Some friends of ours in our small group at church recently moved to Dallas from Pennsylvania and we asked them what was different. They said that in Pennsylvania, when someone said he was a Christian, you immediately had a connection with him that was deep because you truly shared the same core belief that we are desperately dependent upon Jesus. In Dallas, they said they got excited when they met so many "Christians" until they realized all people meant by that was "I go to church."
I think you have a great point, JB, in that we have to find community with genuine believers...I would just contend that, especially in the South, we can't simply assume people are truly committed Christ followers because they call themselves "Christians."
yeah, that is important to keep in mind. The American South is a unique place as far as the sheer amount of people who claim to be Christians. that poses many problems in and of itself. what happens when everyone is a 'Christian'? what would it mean to be subversive in that culture (the American South)? hopefully that is part of what this blog is addressing...
Real community is a heart condition and a decision to band together. It is not something that is contrived to entered into as a group. It is two or three dedicating lives to each other. Community at work may not ever exist (due to the issues that the comments & post explained); what is needed is community with other believers in similar situations. There you have a forum to speak, encourage, counsel, and lead each other as we each face our daily work lives. It is being able to ask Greg & Ted questions because they face the same challenges and struggles.
In essence, the answer to your question may be a different question: "How do we forge community so we can face the calling we have at work?"
May I have your permission to use the following quotation in a book I'm writing on Daniel in the Workplace?
"How can we identify other Christians at work? How can we engage in relationships based on prayer and encouragement?...I feel totally lost in terms of taking that first step...."
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